Excuse Me, How Long Until We Land?

Suspended in the air, between everything I expected and what is. Between the past and the future that suddenly has taken a different shape.

I thought I'd be in California right now. I had everything lined up, from finances to hotels for the trip to my internship. I thought I'd be living in a dorm with a roommate, twenty-four and still no permanent address.

Instead I ended up in the most unexpected place ... right where I started.

Rather than going across the country to gain experience for a full-time camp job, I now have a full-time camp job at the same place I've more or less lived for the past four years.

I live in an apartment of sorts, much bigger than what I need and all to myself. I'm on my own in a way I never have been, and while I'm near my college and friends, I see their impending graduation and the day when they will all spread across the country and the world.

The responsibilities of life are hitting and I'm busier than I could have dreamed. My job takes much of my attention and focus as my skill set gives me a slightly different trajectory than my predecessor. I'm figuring it out as I go.

My residency has switched states, and while I love where I live there is a part of me that misses the only home I know.

And then in the middle of all that, there has been an unexpected change at my church back home. Not necessarily a negative thing but a change that brings me sorrow and makes me wonder if my home church will even feel like home anymore next time I go there. The thought of being more and more a stranger there feels like one more thing ripped out from under my feet.

It feels like some crazy flight where I'm not where I started or where I'm going, I can't get to either, and I don't know how long it will be until I finally make it.

Don't get me wrong. Most days are good days.

But I long for something that feels like home. Because it's not here.

I feel as though my "feet are falling." But I know where to find my footing again.

"For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:8-9