I thought I'd be in California right now. I had everything lined up, from finances to hotels for the trip to my internship. I thought I'd be living in a dorm with a roommate, twenty-four and still no permanent address.
Instead I ended up in the most unexpected place ... right where I started.
Rather than going across the country to gain experience for a full-time camp job, I now have a full-time camp job at the same place I've more or less lived for the past four years.
I live in an apartment of sorts, much bigger than what I need and all to myself. I'm on my own in a way I never have been, and while I'm near my college and friends, I see their impending graduation and the day when they will all spread across the country and the world.
The responsibilities of life are hitting and I'm busier than I could have dreamed. My job takes much of my attention and focus as my skill set gives me a slightly different trajectory than my predecessor. I'm figuring it out as I go.
My residency has switched states, and while I love where I live there is a part of me that misses the only home I know.
And then in the middle of all that, there has been an unexpected change at my church back home. Not necessarily a negative thing but a change that brings me sorrow and makes me wonder if my home church will even feel like home anymore next time I go there. The thought of being more and more a stranger there feels like one more thing ripped out from under my feet.
It feels like some crazy flight where I'm not where I started or where I'm going, I can't get to either, and I don't know how long it will be until I finally make it.
Don't get me wrong. Most days are good days.
But I long for something that feels like home. Because it's not here.
I feel as though my "feet are falling." But I know where to find my footing again.