Dreams

I love America.

Leaving all political/religious/societal contention alone for the moment, I love America.

To me, when I think of America, I get pictures in my head of cookouts my family used to have for the Fourth of July. Fireworks. I remember learning about the patriots and the character of the people who started our country. I think about the fun parts of my very American childhood--lazing away summer afternoons at a friend's house, playing and refereeing soccer in our local league, going to the ocean, going to camp.

Besides that, I know I've grown up to believe in some more-or-less American values. Hard work. Making something out of yourself. Loving your country. Loving your community.

Those are pretty good values if taken in proper context. But I've been realizing lately that there are some values I have come to believe in that are also a part of our culture, and that are not what the Lord would have for me.

You see, I think I've subconsciously bought into a warped American Dream. From what I understand, generations before mine have believed in an "American Dream" which was something like this: Work hard, love God, love your family, and you'll have a chance at a good life. Not an easy, lazy life, but a good one. Enough food. Sufficient shelter. Material comforts to some degree or other. And contentment in the fruits of your labors.

Now, maybe that dream isn't perfect and maybe I'm not quite right in my definition, but you get the idea.

Now we come to my generation. The generation that believes in the warped version of that dream. The one that says, "Yeah, I should probably work hard, but if I don't have to, I won't. My goals are to be accepted by the people around me, to be entertained, and to have all the cool things I can buy."

Don't think I'm being mean. I love my generation; I just recognize that we have issues. And I know I may be exaggerating both points of view. But still, so many people my age have had life so easy in so many ways--myself included--that we think the rest of our lives should be that easy.

The reason I'm thinking all that is because I've felt that attitude here at college. Like I said in my last post ... studying just isn't my favorite thing. I keep thinking of how I just want it to be summer. I want to go back into those good memories of peaceful summer days, good friends, and no worries or pressures or undesired work.

That's a warped dream.

My God has bigger dreams/desires for me. Bigger than my warped American Dream or even the original American Dream. He desires me to bring glory to Him and to help others come to know Him. He desires me to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1).

I want His dreams to be mine.

Study

I know it's been a while since I posted last, but my thoughts have been so scattered that until now, I don't know if I could have written anything more than a list of random things that have happened.

As a general update: I'm still happy to be here, and I don't yet feel like I'm flooded with work. (Though I'll admit, that makes me wonder ... am I forgetting something? Is a project sneaking up on me?)

The adjustment to living here at college has been good so far. I like my dorm. I like my new friends, and I'm getting to know people better every day. I've learned a lot of little things in classes--like details about the Pharisees and Sadducees--that are helping me understand the things I read in the Bible.

But, I'll admit, I often have an improper attitude about my study time. While I'm not saying I should be super excited every time I write up my current list of things to do, I should be thankful for this opportunity. And I should be thankful that, though the work itself isn't fun, the things I'm learning will benefit me for the rest of my life.

The other day in Bible Study Methods class, our teacher mentioned a verse I had learned years ago:

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (II Timothy 2:15).

It was just the reminder I needed. While "study" in this case isn't exactly referring to my pile of textbooks, it still indicates work.

Study. I need to work hard where God has put me, to please Him. Yes, it will be work to get through my classes, work to learn more about the Lord. But is it worth it?

"A workman that needeth not to be ashamed ...."

Oh, yes. To please the Father, it is worth it.

When God Steps In

I'm back at college, folks! And you know what? I'm so happy to be here! Praise the Lord!

Today was a rather hectic day of orientation. Apparently, students who come in spring semester don't get as long for orientation, and are thus sent scurrying from meeting to meeting. I enjoyed the day, though.

The only part of this process that had me a little antsy was registering for classes. I'm working on a 1-year Bible certificate, so I needed to figure out how to divide my classes between the semesters. I chose to make this the heavier semester of the two, and I signed myself up for 16 hours.

I didn't feel right about that. I was thinking, I didn't even make it through last semester. Why would I start with the harder semester?

So I called my dad. He was concerned that if I didn't take the course I wanted to drop, I'd have a very busy next semester. It was looking like I'd try for the 16 hours when my call waiting went off. I told my dad I'd get back to him and answered the incoming call.

It was the registrar.

She told me that I actually didn't need to take the class I had wanted to drop! I was so excited! The timing of her call was perfect.

Sometimes it's hard to see God working in our lives, but sometimes He clearly steps in and shows us the way.

Resignation?

Trusting God is complex sometimes.

I was thinking the other day about trusting God with my life. I wanted to say, "Okay, Lord, no matter what circumstances come, that's okay because I know You have a plan."

That isn't a bad mindset, but it can be warped. I was looking at hard situations in my life and giving them over to the Lord, saying I trusted His having a plan in them. But then I noticed something going on in my heart. I wasn't exactly trusting. My heart held more of a ... resignation.

Resignation.

There's a bitter flavor to that word. It can carry the emotion of going along with something against one's will.

I don't want to be resigned to God's will. I want to embrace it! I want to look back at times I didn't understand God's work and say, "Thank You, God. I know You are working things together for my good." (Rom 8:28)

Now, I'm not saying we have to be exactly thankful for all hard times. What I'm really trying to say is that I don't believe a true heart of trust is one of resignation. It is one of embracing the path God leads us along, even when it is painful. It is one of embracing the wisdom and love of our God and not allowing bitterness or doubt to live and grow in our hearts.

What I'm trying to say is that I've experienced resignation.

And I want something more.

Let's Do It

Since I finished work, I'll admit, I haven't really known what to do with myself.

I thought this break would be just what I'd need and that I'd be enjoying every minute of it. Instead, I just want to get back to college! I want a reason to get up in the morning. And as funny as it may sound, I'm really happy that I'm so bored.

Leaving college the first time made me doubt some things about myself. But now my boredom is proof in itself-I'm more ready to live like an adult than I'd realized! I need work to do. I need a schedule and a goal and something to concentrate on. It's so ... reassuring.

Now I'll just need to be reminded of this when I'm trying to figure out how to get all my work done in college! :-)

What Remains Constant

I hope that when I hit next summer, I'll be able to look back at this year and say, "You know what? I made it!"

There have been a lot of changes for me this year, and I'm sure the same is true for many others.

Once I was thinking about how many things in life change. We live in a constantly changing world ... but God never changes.

When I think about that, I realize how wonderful my life really is. Yes, life is uncertain. Yes, I could lose everyone and everything I care about. But the best thing in my life will never, ever, ever change. My God will always stay with me.

I live with His perfect love.

I should overflow with thankfulness every day of my life.

Countdown

Last I checked, Christmas is coming up fast. Really fast!

Here's my problem. I only got done with my job on Friday, so I haven't gotten to shopping until, well, the past few days. I currently have four gifts. I'm not sure how I'm going to get the rest by Christmas Day.

To those of you who manage to work and shop and do all sorts of other things ... this paragraph is a salute to you.

Moving on, I wish I could think of something special for all the people I care about, but sometimes it's hard. I'd love to be one of those people who makes gifts for others, putting in time and care and making something personal. But, this year at least, I didn't get there.

The funny thing is, all of this comes on the heels of me stressing out over the amount of stuff I have. Why do I have so many books? purses? shoes?

I guess I'll have to admit I don't understand the whole "stuff" thing. I know God blesses us, and I believe enjoying those blessings is okay. I know that "it is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35). I know that there are poor people around the world who can barely get by while I'm over here in the United States stressing over the clutter in my life. And I also know that we're supposed to be focusing on God's gift of Jesus during Christmas.

How do we balance all this?

Frankly, I don't know. But I have a couple ideas where to start ...

First off, I think some Bible study is in order. I need to find out what God really says about possessions and His blessings.

Second, I think I need to just relax a little about Christmas shopping. In the long run, I don't think possessions are as important as how we view them, and focusing so much on stuff shows something is off.

So ... what are your thoughts on "stuff" this Christmas? How can we give special gifts and still focus on Christ?